“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life!’”

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life!’”


Chai Ling’s fourth letter to the Church regarding Yuan Zhi Ming
January 27, 2015

 

Dear Brothers and Sisters, Elders, and Pastors in Christ,

May God’s peace be with you!

As I am writing this fourth letter, I thank Jesus for your continuous prayers for God to reveal the truth. God is already at work. He has continued to reveal the truth.
           
A few hours ago, I received Run Nan Wan’s testimony from France. At the time of the 1989 incident, Run Nan Wan was the secretary for the China Democracy Alliance. This is the original script of his testimony:
           
Chai Ling, in July and August of 1989, many refugees lived in a temporary refugee camp located in a suburb called Massy in Southern France. During that time, a dancer from Shanghai, Zhu XX, accused Yuan Zhi Ming of sexual assault. I was occupied with the preparatory work for the China Democracy Alliance, so I asked Xiao Kang Shu to investigate, assess and resolve the situation. Not only did Xiao Kang Shu determine to put in no extra effort to investigate, but he eventually dropped the case. Zhu XX was very disappointed and decided to stop keeping in touch. There was a magazine in Hong Kong that reported this incident, but no specific name of the perpetrator was mentioned.

Run Nan Wan
January of 27, 2015


In order to protect the privacy of the victim, I decided not to reveal the full name of the perpetrator in this testimony. (According to the protection laws in the United States for sexual assault and rape victims, the victim alone has the right to reveal the details and timing of the incident.)

I immediately phoned Xiao Kang Shu and asked if he was willing to reveal the situation after Run Nan Wan sent him the accusations. Xiao Kang Shu replied that he was not willing to do so at the moment. I decided to reveal what I heard from Xiao Kang Shu to you so that we can have a better understanding of the situation. This ongoing communication has continued from December of 2012 through the date of the writing of this letter, January 27, 2015.


 In December of 2012, while I was receiving healing from the Lord regarding Yuan Zhi Ming’s rape incident, I read in a statistical report that rapists often become repeat offenders if their criminal acts are not reported. At the same time I was also misled because of a misunderstanding of a particular verse from the Bible. I thought  that Yuan Zhi Ming was a church elder and that, as such, I therefore had to bring three witnesses to report his criminal acts. (The Bible verse actually does not apply to this situation. While Yuan Zhi Ming is often praised as a reputable pastor, he has not been elected by any church as an elder. http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G4245&t=KJV).

 

As I prayed, I was led to contact one of Yuan Zhi Ming’s best friends, Xiao Kang Shu. I thought that since Xiao Kang Shu and Yuan Zhi Ming Yuan had lived together, they should be very close to each other. Xiao Kang Shu might be able to shed some light on the incident. So I decided to phone him.

To my surprise, Xiao Kang Shu immediately refused to talk to me after I asked him if he knew anyone else who could be a witness against Yuan Zhi Ming. Xiao Kang Shu raised his voice and said, “Why are you asking this? What are you trying to say? Why are you attacking Pastor Yuan Zhi Ming?”

 

Being caught off guard by his reaction, I disappointedly replied, “I know someone who was a victim of Yuan Zhi Ming, and she needs to know if anyone else wants to bring their case.” Xiao Kang Shu immediately changed his mood. He then told me to never phone him in regards to this situation. I was very shocked and asked him, “This is so weird. Why are you treating me like this?”

 

Xiao Kang hung up the phone in anger. I had no idea what was going on, so I decided to give it another try. I phoned him back, and once again Xiao Kang told me never to call him in regards to this incident in the future. He also threatened to tell Yuan Zhi Ming that I was investigating this incident. I responded with, “Okay, no problem. You can go ahead and tell Yuan Zhi Ming.”

 

Xiao Kang Shu replied, “I will let Yuan Zhi Ming communicate with you directly by phone.”

 

I replied, “Okay, no problem.” (For the record, Yuan Zhi Ming never phoned me).

 I was dismayed by Xiao Kang Shu’s rude attitude and I was unable to remain calm. I immediately prayed before Jesus to forgive Xiao Kang Shu, and I asked God to bless him. My heart felt more at peace after the prayer. I decided to patiently wait upon the Lord.

This process of waiting was very painful and disturbing, especially in February of 2013, when I experienced another rude rejection by Pastor Tong Liu concerning to Yuan Zhi Ming. I was weeping on my plane flight back home.

In March of 2013, Pastor Ai Ling Zhou decided to talk to Yuan Zhi Ming. At that time, I was with my children on an island for vacation. She told me that Yuan Zhi Ming immediately phoned her back. I asked her about Yuan’s response and she informed me that he said, “We (Chai Ling and I) did have a thing together.” However, he further replied that he disagreed that he had raped me, and he also accused me of voluntarily going to his apartment.

 

Once I heard that, my body began to shake. I said to Pastor Ai Ling Zhou, “I did not even know where he lived and I did not know how to drive. I did not get my driver’s license until 1991. This incident took place in late August/early September of 1990. How could I possibly drive to his residence?!”

 

On one hand, I was mad at Yuan for lying. On the other hand, I felt like even my own pastor had stopped believing me because of Yuan’s lies.

 

In the rain, I jumped into a canoe and started to paddle without a clear sense of direction. My heart was distracted and confused. I kept asking Jesus, “Why? Where are you Jesus? Why are you not advocating for me?”

 

I soon heard a verse in response, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.”

 

I thought to myself, “Jesus, I know you are the true salvation, and I believe in you as my Lord. But what does this verse have to do with my current situation?” After a few days, I seemed to understand the verse as if Jesus were saying, “Not only am I the eternal truth, I am the truth of all. I know the truth of all.  I know the truth of this incident.” I felt so comforted when I realized that Jesus knew the truth that I had been trying so hard to explain to people. Even if they didn’t believe me, as long as God knew the truth, that was enough. I was so touched! Thank you Lord Jesus!

 

A lawyer with over 30 years of experience in helping victims said to me, “Many victims do not want compensation, especially financial. After they have experienced the trauma, they just want someone to listen to them and to believe them.” Jesus’ words provided me with the comfort that I had not received during the past 20 years.

But soon I was confronted with another thought, “Jesus, how can your truth be revealed to the world?”

When we returned in March, my husband and I met up with Pastor Ai Ling Zhou and her husband. When we got stuck at the dilemma of a “He says, she says”, my husband suddenly suggested, “We can use the lie detector!” I was surprised by what he said but I felt like it was an epiphany from God. It was as if Jesus were telling me, through my husband, to use this tool. Nonetheless, I was held back from acting because of different voices and spiritual advice such as, “You should patiently wait upon the Lord; God will handle it better than you.”

2013 became a year of difficulty and confusion for me. Yuan Zhi Ming’s refusal and lies, Pastor Tong Liu’s reaction, the different levels of neglect by various pastors, and attacks against my All Girls Allowed ministry all caused me great pain. I almost lost my faith in God.

 

In the past, I had felt suicidal whenever I was going through suffering – it was a kind of suffering that many may have never experienced.

 

For the longest time, Yuan Zhi Ming’s criminal acts and unwillingness to confess became my stumbling block to fully believing in God. Not only that, Yuan even became a well-known pastor over the years. Even though people may have thought that my life and career were going well and successful, I did not have hope inside my heart. I was lingering at the borders of death. Whenever I drove to work in the morning, I did not know if I wanted to drive home at night. Sometimes when I saw a tree, I wanted to crash into it so that I could forget about what the future might hold for me. I felt hopeless.

After searching for hope for so many years, I finally came to know Jesus in December of 2012. I decided to surrender myself to Jesus after witnessing a genuine testimony by a Christian. Regardless of this, I experienced even greater despair when several pastors did not properly handle my situation in the name of justice.

 

People who are living without God can come to find hope in Him. However, there is a greater danger and despair for those who find God and are later forced to abandon Him. At that time, I had doubts about whether or not God and His words were real. If they were real, why did He not seem to see me and others who were fighting for justice, living with merciful hearts, and humbly walking with Him?

 

If I did not follow Jesus, who else could I follow? Based on my past experience of searching for other alternatives to hold on to, I realized that none of them are true.

God led me to see Job’s obedience to Him in difficult times. The Lord declares in Jeremiah 17:5,7 : “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD… Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.” Through these verses, God took away my reliance on reputable and experienced pastors. He just wanted me to rely on Him alone. Only by believing in God can we restore justice to all. That was in October of 2013, when God slowly, gently and persistently pulled me back from the borders of death. Step by step, God entered, transformed and restored my life.

When I only see confusion in the future, God reassures me with these words in Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

When I do not know what to do, Jesus says in Matthew 6:33: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

 Holding on to these two verses from the Lord, I returned to my ministry and church and continued my work for His kingdom.

On April 15, 2014, I was touched by the Holy Spirit to continue sharing the power of forgiveness. I also decided to post my open letter publicly on the Internet.

Around May of 2014, Pastor Po Li Zhang phoned me and said, “Chai Ling, your open letter (from April 18) revealing the Princeton rape incident has caused big trouble.” Everyone is deducing that the rapist is either me or Pastor Yuan Zhi Ming. . .”

I immediately apologized, “I am sorry. I did not realize people would notice this line. I just wanted to share my experience with forgiveness. I did not know that I would cause you so much trouble. It was not you. I do not know if you have hurt anyone, but you definitely did not hurt me!”

Pastor Po Li Zhang replied, “I know. Xiao Kang Shu talked to me for two hours on the phone, saying that he believes you, Chai Ling. Someone from Paris accused Yuan Zhi Ming of sexual assault and Xiao Kang was appointed to handle the situation…”


At that moment, I almost jumped from the floor to the ceiling. I praised Jesus inside my heart. Thank you Jesus! Even after receiving much advice from brothers and sisters in Christ to patiently wait upon the Lord, I felt as though Jesus had His own timing. He allowed the breakthrough to come only after I openly revealed myself through my testimony. Just like the Boston Marathon bombing in 2003, no one could find the suspect even after the city was shut down. With the police revealing the suspects on TV and the help of the public, one of suspects was caught within half an hour! I believe that the public had helped me resolve a problem that I could not do on my own for the past year and a half. God’s work was so efficient.

I continued excitedly to ask God how I should reply to others’ inquiries? I felt as though God wanted me to use Matthew 18:15-17 to resolve the problem. Withholding my pain, on June 1, 2014, I mentally revisited the scene of being raped. I also sent my first email to Yuan Zhi Ming Yuan regarding the instructions given in the gospel of Matthew. (The content of the email is in my first letter.)

 

On June 14, 2014, I sent three requirements to Yuan before we met to communicate:

1. If you are continuing to engage in raping others, not only must you stop now, you  must confess your sin and repent before the victims.

 

2. You have become a stumbling block for the rape victims in Princeton, Paris, and Beijing. Please apologize to them immediately and ask for forgiveness in Jesus’ name.

 

3. I hope you will give me a formal written apology for the rape incident and the lies. (The first lie and threats were made in November of 2011 and the second lie was told to Pastor Zhou in March of 2013.)


Yuan Zhi Ming’s response on June 18, 2014, was: “… I am willing to completely repent before the Lord and apologize to you for all the intentional, unintentional, conscious and unconscious actions that I have done and the pain that I have caused you.”

 

After Pastor Yun and Yuan Zhi Ming Yuan communicated, Yun said, “Everything is fine now, daughter. Go reconcile. Pastor Yuan Zhi Ming has confessed before me and he is ready to repent completely. You should rely on the Lord to help you reconcile (with him).”

 

Even though I felt spiritually pressured to do so, I attempted to believe that God can change a person’s heart, if that person is willing.  While I had a cold and could not stop coughing, I decided to meet with them anyways.

It was so surprising to me that Yuan Zhi Ming not only did not apologize to me about the rape incident, he also came up with a new set of lies. I felt ridiculed and shocked. I was thinking to myself, Pastor Yun, you have been deceived by Yuan Zhi Ming. Your words have caused me much pain after finding that Yuan Zhi Ming Yuan lied to me in the email.

On January 27, 2015, Pastor Yun clarified in his email, “… in regard to Yuan Zhi Ming’s confession over the phone (he made the confession), it means that he was ready to apologize for the wrong he had done to you. On the phone I never asked Yuan Zhi Ming how he raped the victim. But Yuan’s tone and attitude over the phone indicated to me that he was going to communicate with you personally and to repent in the areas where he had done you wrong. In regards to this situation, I want to personally apologize to you for the lack of clarity in my communication with you. Please forgive me.”

 

I thanked Pastor Yun for his willingness to apologize and change. Pastor Yun wanted to use that opportunity to clarify that he had never said anything confusing or distracting behind my back on the Internet.

In regard to the second requirement “concerning the sexual assault victims in Princeton, Paris and Beijing”, I also asked Yuan Zhi Ming directly if there were other victims. He shook his head and replied, “No, no.”

I was going to phone Xiao Kang Shu but my phone ran out of battery. Yuan Zhi Ming shook his head even harder and said, “Don’t call, don’t call.” The two witnessing pastors did not persist in having me call, so the call was never made.

On June 30, 2014, six days after our meeting, I was encouraged through a time of prayer to keep searching for the truth. I boldly decided to call Xiao Kang Shu again. Here is why I needed to make such a decision with boldness.

When I gave Xiao Kang Shu’s number to my pastor, she did not conduct an investigation of the situation. So I reluctantly had to call Xiao Kang Shu once again myself. I did not know what to expect from Xiao Kang. I only called him after I eagerly prayed for God’s protection.

Xiao Kang Shu did not yell at me or hang up, but he was still unwilling to help me. He was very frustrated as he told me that people have been wondering if he was the rapist. I immediately apologized and said, “I am truly sorry. I did not know that people would guess it was you.” I continued, “Yes, it is better to realize our wrongdoings and immediately apologize and repent as a Christian. At least that is what I am trying to do now.” This is also why I need to share my testimony with the public so that no one will have to suffer being a scapegoat. For as long as I do not publicly announce the name of the rapist, people will continue to guess and accuse innocent individuals.

My phone conversation with Xiao Kang Shu was briefly written in notes on July 13, 2014. A more detailed account is written below:

 

Xiao Kang Shu said,

 
Shortly after I arrived in Paris with Yuan Zhi Ming in 1989, we temporarily lived in the refugee camp. There was a woman living in there who did not seem to be related to the democracy movement. She saw that we were both single, so she was very willing to help take care of us. Yuan Zhi Ming and I had bought two pairs of jeans. They were a bit long so Yuan brought them to the woman and asked her to tailor them for us. I was out taking care of something. When I returned to Paris, I heard from Yun Nan Wan that the woman had accused Yuan of raping her. I said to Wan, “I am close to Yuan and we work closely together. So it is best for me to handle the situation.” So off I went. It was like hosting a press conference with reporters waiting to ask me what was going on. I replied, “This woman is so much older than Yuan Zhi Ming. Why would he be interested in her?” Everybody laughed and was soon dismissed. Just like that, the situation seemed to have been settled.

When Run Nan Wan and I were talking about Xiao Kang, Wan said, “Oh, that woman looked like she was a dancer and she seemed very experienced. When the incident was exposed, many people came to know what happened.”

 Another older French Christian man said, “I heard Ms. Zhu has not had a happy life. Her husband came back from China and soon filed for divorce. I heard she had three children. She has been unable to raise them and had to give two away to live in a foster home. We don’t know where she is now…”

 

I felt so bad inside my heart as I was listening to this. Individuals who go through sexual assault and do not receive any justice often continue to carry the burden into their families and marriages. This injustice is like an invisible, heavy chain.

 

Oh, poor sister, wherever you are, we are eagerly praying for you. May the love of our Lord Jesus Christ find you and heal your wounds and your children, until you find true joy and eternal peace.

When Run Nan Wan shared his motive for writing the testimony, he said, “The basic standard to be a human being is to support justice, the marginalized and the weak.”

As a victim, I attempted to gain justice from the church during the past three years. However, what I experienced was more injustice and accusations. For that reason, I was truly touched and grateful for Run Nan Wan’s views on justice, even though he is not yet a Christian. Wan was the first person to step up to be a witness for the weak. We should remember his justice and courage. May the Lord bless him and his family according to His promise in Matthew 5:6, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Please pray for Mr. Wan’s salvation and peace.

After I prayed with my husband, we decided to release Mr. Wan’s testimony to the public. We hope to achieve the following four goals:

1. Stop Yuan Zhi Ming and other rapists from hurting others: We recently found out that if rapists are not stopped, over 90% of them will likely recommit the crime. We do not want to see any more innocent individuals getting hurt.

2. Start a movement to rescue and help the victims: Regardless of one’s religious background, I hope that through my testimony you can see how victims of sexual assault live at the edge of death. When victims do not see hope in their lives, they are vulnerable to giving up at any minute. There are about 500 women who commit suicide daily after suffering from similar sexual assaults in China. A pastor from Beijing recently shared that two high school students committed suicide after being raped and attacked. Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, let us open our eyes to see the tragedy that is happening everyday. Please encourage the victims to share their experiences and receive healing. Even if it is a simple and gentle phrase, it may be the difference between life and death for them.

3. Inspire others to be a hero! Just like the life-saving hero, Mr. Run Nan Wan, you can be a witness. Please do not worry whether or not your testimony can help. God will use whatever information or testimony you share to save more victims. Please continue to report to us at: info@allgirlsallowed.org

4. Be His Church! May the church act according to God’s teachings, and be a witness for Jesus Christ to others, and become a holy and pure church. May the pastors obey and follow God’s commands to be good shepherds who nurture His sheep. Ezekiel 34:15-16 says: “‘I Myself will tend My sheep and have them lie down,’ declares the Sovereign Lord. ‘I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.’”

 

Also in chapter 34:4a, it says, “You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured.” This verse truly touched my heart because over 74% of our sisters in church have experienced rape, over 86% have had abortions,  and 30%-90% have experienced and are still experiencing domestic violence, etc. What is the role of the pastors and brothers and sisters in the church? What are God’s commands for the pastors?

 Lastly, I want to say that we have not received anything from Yuan Zhi Ming, and there has so far been no formal response from either the board of China Soul or Yuan Zhi Ming’s pastoral staff.


I recently heard that Pastor Tong Liu shared in a church small group that Yuan Zhi Ming came to see me in Boston before coming to see him. That is not true. In February of 2013, when I went to his church to share about my ministry, I also wrote a 12-page letter to Pastor Tong Liu asking him to investigate this incident, and he refused to accept my request. He said that it was ridiculous for me to request Yuan Zhi Ming Yuan to apologize in front of the congress. How could it be possible?

 

In addition, it is not true that I sent gifts to Yuan Zhi Ming and his wife. I remember in the fall of 1991, I was visiting a couple in Princeton. The couple insisted that I go to visit Yuan Zhi Ming and his wife, who had recently come from China. I said I do not want to go. They stared at me and said, “How come you do not want to go?” I was unwilling to share about my traumatic experience with Yuan, so I just went with them. They were possibly the ones who gave Yuan Zhi Ming and his wife gifts. (I don’t know what those gifts were.) They may have also politely put my name along with theirs on the gifts. Still, I never sent any gifts to Yuan Zhi Ming or his wife.

 

To the contrary, when I met with Yuan Zhi Ming on June 24, 2014, he gave me a bottle of lotion, stating that it was a gift from him and his wife. The two witnessing pastors also saw that. If Pastor Tong Liu said that the act of gift-giving means someone is guilty of committing a crime, then who would Pastor Liu say is guilty in this situation?

Now that we have known the truth in Christ, what is Jesus’ way? Just as it is written in 1 John 3:9, “No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.” And in 1 Timothy 5:20, “But those elders who are sinning, you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning.”


 Are we willing to follow the Bible and act according to Jesus’ will?
 

(This letter was published on the Internet on January 30, 2015.)

 

 

Addendum:

 

On January 31, 2015, I received an email from Xiao Kang Shu. Excerpts of the email are shown below:

At that time I shared two things with the reporters:


1) Someone said Yuan Zhi Ming raped her. It was just a one-sided accusation. Yuan Zhi Ming is out of the country and not in Paris at the moment. So we can not testify to the truth of what happened. If the police want to investigate this situation and open a case for criminal investigation, our camp will respond immediately.

2) An anonymous woman and Yuan Zhi Ming were not under-aged, and she was several years older than Yuan Zhi Ming, so it might be difficult to confirm the rape incident.

The reporters started to laugh at this moment.

 




 

“耶稣说,我就是道路,真理,生命!”

柴玲写给教会关于远志明的第四封信

2015年1月27日

 

亲爱的主内兄弟姐妹,长老,牧师们,

 

主内平安!

 

我在这里给您们第四封公开信,在耶稣中深深地谢谢您们夜以继日要求神显露真相的祷告。神已经在动工,他正在继续显露真相:

 

几个小时前,我收到从法国万润南先生寄来的证词。1989年事件之后,万润南先生是当时的民主联合阵线筹备组的秘书负责人。这是他亲自发电邮所写的见证:

 

柴玲:1989年七、八月间,许多流亡者暂时聚居在巴黎南郊一个叫玛西(Massy)的难民营。期间,有一位从上海来的舞蹈演员朱XX,曾经指控远志明对其性侵犯。当时我忙于民阵的筹备工作,就委托苏晓康去调查、了解、处理这件事情。苏晓康把这件事情大而化之、不了了之了。朱因此很失望,不再和大家来往了。记得有一家香港刊物曾经披露过这件事情,但没有点名。

万润南

2015127

 

为了保护这位女士的隐私(在美国对性强暴的受害者的隐私是有法律要保护的,只有受害者本人可以决定公布全部时间。)我不把全名披露发表。
 

我立刻给苏晓康打电话,看他是否愿意一起公布他知道的在万润南先生把指控交给他处理后发生的情况。苏晓康说。他现在还不愿意。那我只好把我如何从苏晓康那里听到他说的情况介绍给您们,好让大家有个全面的了解。这个过程,是从2012年12月到今天2015年1月28日:

 

2012年12月,当我开始对被远志明性强暴的事被神医治时,我从统计中看到强奸犯如不被制止,会是惯犯。我那时也被错误的经文引导以为远志明是长老,需要两到三个证人一起来才可以举证的(其实不是适合这个情况的经文,远志明虽然被尊称是名牧,但他不是被教会选出的管理教会的长老:(http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G4245&t=KJV)。所以我就在祷告的带领下找到远志明的好朋友,苏晓康。我想,晓康当时跟远志明住在一起,他们很熟,可能会提供一下情况。所以我就给他通了电话。

 

没想到,在电话中,当我讯问他是否知道还有别的人指控远志明强奸时,苏晓康立刻对我翻脸了,他声音顿时提得很高,说,“你问这个干吗?你这是什麽意思?你干嘛要攻击人家远志明牧师?”看他这样的态度,我只好说,“我知道有位姐妹是被远志明强暴过的,需要知道是否还有别的妇女有同样的指控。”苏晓康立即暴跳如雷,说再也不许给他打电话提这件事。我很吃惊,问他,“很奇怪,为什麽你要这样对待我?”晓康很生气地跟我摔断了电话。我没搞清楚,又鼓起勇气打回去,晓康说,再也不要给我打电话提这件事。并威胁我说他要立即告诉远志明我在调查这件事。我说,可以,你去告诉远志明,没问题。苏晓康说,我会让远志明直接给你打电话。我说,没问题。(但是远志明始终没有给我回电话。)

 

我被苏晓康这样粗鲁地对待,让我没有准备的心里震惊地碰碰直跳。我赶紧在耶稣面前饶恕苏晓康,并要神祝福他,才慢慢定下神来。只好就这样慢慢忍耐,等候神。

 

这个忍耐等候的过程是很痛苦困扰的。尤其是在2013年2月再次受到刘彤牧师对我对远志明要求调查的拒绝粗鲁的对待之后,在一路回程的飞机上我是哭着回来的。

 

2013年3月周爱玲牧师决定自己去问一下远志明。我当时在一个岛上跟孩子们度春假。她说远志明立即给她回电话。当我问到远是怎么回答的,周爱玲牧师说,远的话是:“我们之间的事是发生过” 只是远不同意是强奸的说法,还说是柴玲到远的住所找他的。。。。我当时感觉到浑身都在发抖,不知是当时还是后来跟周爱玲牧师说:“我根本都不知道他住在哪里,我又不会开车,我开车是在1991年学会的。这事发生在1990年8月底,9月初,我怎么可能去他住所找他?”我一方面生气远志明撒谎,另一方面我似乎感到我的牧师都被骗得不相信我了。在雨中,我跳上一个划船板,没有方向地拼命划,心里很乱。迫切问耶稣:“为什麽这样?为什麽?主耶稣你在哪里?您为什麽不帮助我?”萌萌中我听到一句经文:“我是道路,真理,生命。”而且这个经文在不断的重复。我心想,“主耶稣,我知道您是救恩的真理,我也信您为主了,但是这段经文跟我现在的情况有什麽关系哪?”几天后,萌萌中,我明白了,似乎是主耶稣在说,“我不光是永生的真理,我也是一切的真理。我知道一切的真相。我知道这件事的真相。”当我想到主知道一切真相,得了很大安慰。即使人不相信我,只要上帝知道真相,那就足够了。

 

我好感动!谢谢主耶稣。有位帮助受害者30多年的律师说,“很多受害者其实并不是要什麽补偿,尤其不是要什麽经济上的补偿,她们被伤害后,就是希望有人可以听听她们的诉说,并且希望人们能够相信她们。”主耶稣的话语给了我二十几年来没得到的安慰。但我又犯愁,“耶稣啊,您的真相怎么可以过到世界上来哪?”

 

三月份我们回去,我的先生和我跟周爱玲牧师夫妇见面中,当我们被这个“他说,她说”的这个障碍挡住时,我的先生突然说,“可以测谎啊!”。我当时灵里一震,立刻觉得这是从天上来的方式。似乎是耶稣是要通过我的先生来给策略的。但是后来,我又被种种“耐心等候神,神会比你自己做得更好。。。”和所谓的不同的属灵权柄的的话语给拦阻。

 

2013年成了个很困难很困惑的一年。远志明的抵赖,撒谎,刘彤牧师对我的反应,其他牧者不同程度上的不理不睬,还有因女童之声事工方面来的攻击,让我实在痛苦,甚至几乎失去对神的信仰。我以前,常常会苦到要自杀的念头----那个苦是很可怕的,也许是您们没有经历过的。我因远志明犯罪,不认罪,成为名牧,始终不能信主。虽然我的生活事业被外人看到很幸福成功,但是内心中没有盼望,我被带到了死亡的边缘,每天开车去上班不知道晚上能否愿意再开回到家里。有时看到一棵树也会有要撞上去的念头。过一天不知道第二天的盼望,不知道未来会怎样。

 

但找了这麽多年的希望,终于看到一个真诚的基督徒的见证,在2009年12月信主,才找到耶稣这里来。但是后来遇到的几位代表耶稣教会的牧者们没有使用公义的方式来处理这件事,我那时经历的绝望是更可怕的。没有上帝的人可以在上帝那里找到希望,但是当找到上帝的人再被迫放弃上帝的时候,那个绝望,是无人能帮助和救拔的。那时让我怀疑神究竟是否是真的,他的话语是否是真的。如果是真的话,那为什麽周围看不到完全体贴他行公义,施怜悯的心,跟他谦卑同行的的人。但是,如果我不信耶稣,我们又能跟随什麽哪?我以前的苦苦求索寻找让我知道其它的都不是真理。

 

神让我看到约伯在逆境中对神的顺服,看到耶利米书17章的话:“耶和华这样说:倚靠世人,恃凭肉体为自己的力量,心里偏离耶和华的,这人该受咒诅。。。但倚靠耶和华,以耶和华为他所信赖的,这人是有福的。”神让我打破对名牧,对资深牧者,对一切人的依靠。只相信神,依靠神!相信神会恢复一切的公义。那是2013十月。这样,神一点点地把我从死亡的边缘带回来,神才一步一步地在我的生命中,做起死回生的转变和修复。

 

在看不到未来的迷茫中,神给了我话语:“因我自己知道我为你们所定的计划,是使你们得平安,而不是遭受灾祸的计划;要赐给你们美好的前程和盼望。”这是耶和华的宣告。(耶利米书29:11)在不知道该做什麽的时候,主耶稣说,“你们要先求他的国和他的义,这一切都必加给你们。”(马太福音6:33)凭着神的这两句话,我又回到事工和教会中,继续推动神国的工作。

 

2014年4月15日我受圣灵感动要再继续说饶恕的力量,我的公开信在网上发布。

 

2014年5月左右,张伯笠牧师给我打了个电话,说:“柴玲啊,你的(2014年4月18日的)公开信里提到在普林斯顿被强暴后,外面砸锅了。他们都在外面说,这个强奸的牧师不是我就是远志明。。。” 我立即说:“对不起,我没想到公众会注意到这句话,我只想说明饶恕的力量,我没想到会连累你。不是你。你有没有伤害别人我不知道。但是你的确没有伤害我!” 张伯笠牧师说:“我知道。昨天(苏)晓康给我打了两个小时的电话,说他相信你,柴玲。因为巴黎也有一位妇女指控远志明性强暴她,是晓康负责处理的。。。”

 

那个时刻,我几乎从地板上跳了起来。我心里好感谢耶稣,感谢神!也看到神似乎在教导我,尽管我在不同的牧师姐妹的教导中耐心等候神,原来神是要我以公开事情的方式才会有祝福有突破,就像2013年波士顿的马拉松爆炸案,全城都被封闭起来,还是找不到施暴者。警方决定把嫌疑犯公布到电视上,半个小时之内,就在公众的帮助下(其中一名嫌犯)就被捉拿归案了!我信中的一句话,在公众的帮助下,就解决了一个一年半都解决不了的问题。神的行动是如此神速。

 

在兴奋中,我继续问神,该怎么回答外界的询问。感到要通过马太福音18:15-17的方式来解决这个事情。2014年6月1日,我忍着痛苦再回到当时被强暴的场景中,给远志明发出了要求按马太福音进行的第一份电邮(内容在我的第一封信中)。在2014年月14日,我发了个我们见面的在三个方面有交流的前提:

 

·       “如果你现在还有性侵犯的事情,你不但要立即停止,而且要面对受害者立即认罪悔改。

 

·       对于你在普林斯顿,巴黎和北京的性侵犯的受害者,你成为了她们信基督的障碍。请立即道歉请求她们的饶恕,为基督正名。

 

·       我希望你对我的性侵犯和后来的两次欺骗行为(第一次是2011年11月左右对我说的谎话和威胁;第二次是2013年3月对爱玲牧师说的谎话)书面道歉。”

 

远志明在2014年6月18日的回音是:“。。。我愿意为我有意无意、意识到还是没有意识到、带给你的一切伤害,彻底在神面前认罪,在你面前道歉。。。”当时云牧师跟远志明通话后也说“没有事了,女儿,去和解吧,远志明牧师在我面前都承认了。他准备要彻底认罪的。要靠着主彼此和解。。。”虽然我在灵里感觉到很受压抑,但是也试图相信神是可以改变任何人,如果这个人愿意改变的话。我就在重感冒,不断咳嗽中去会面了。

 

没想到,远志明对我的强暴,他非但没有道歉,反而又编出了一套新的谎言。我很震惊,也深感再被羞辱。心里也在说,云牧师,你被远志明骗了,你的话把我给害苦了。我也被远志明的电邮给骗了。

 

2015年1月27日云牧师在电邮中澄清说,“。。。至于远牧师我们在电话中(他都承认了),这句话是指他准备要向对不起您的地方彻底认罪的。(我在电话中也从来没有去问远牧师当时是怎么强奸你的。)但在电话中远牧师的态度和语气向云牧师表示出,他会去亲自见您交通,并要向对不起您的地方彻底认罪的。在这里云牧师要向您说对不起。是云牧师向您的表达不够清楚,请您原谅。”柴玲谢谢云牧师,知错就改。云牧师并说,他没有说过我如何要到网上乱写的话。借这个机会澄清一下。

 

关于第二个方面,“对于你在普林斯顿,巴黎和北京的性侵犯的受害者”,我当时直接问远志明,是否还有其她的像我一样的受害者,他边摇头边说,“没有,没有。” 我当时要打电话问苏晓康,但是我当时的电话没电了。远志明一个劲地摇头,说“不用打,不用打。”两位证人牧师也没有坚持,当时的电话就没打成。

 

在会谈后的第六天(2014年6月30日),经过祷告,为了继续查明真相,我鼓起勇气再度给苏晓康打了电话。为什麽需要鼓起勇气哪,是这样的:

 

但是当我把苏小康的电话给我当时的牧师她没调查时,我不得不自己再跟晓康通话。不知道这次他会怎样对待我,我迫切祷告要神保护我后,才通话。这次与苏晓康先生总算没有跟我吼,没有摔电话。他还是不情愿帮助我的样子,并很生气,说公众也在猜强奸犯是不是他。我立刻道歉,说:“真对不起。我没想到人们会猜忌你。我绝对没有要伤害您的意思。”晓康停了一下说:“这麽快就道歉。”我说:“是。做基督徒的,知道错了就得立即道歉改正。至少我是这麽做的。”这也是为什麽我对公众需要有交代,以免不再使更多人再背黑锅。我一日不能公开强奸犯的姓名,一日就对不起那些无辜被猜忌受委屈的人。

 

苏晓康电话交谈的结果,简单的写在2014年7月13日的备忘录中。更详细的记忆写在下面,苏晓康说:

 

“当时(1989年)我跟远志明来到巴黎不久,我们都暂时住在难民营里。有一位妇女,她好像不是跟民运有关,也住在难民营里。她看我们是单身,很愿意帮助照顾我们。我跟远志明买了两条牛仔裤,有些长,远志明拿去找这位女士来帮我们裁短一点。我当时在外面跑有事。回到巴黎后听万润南说这位妇女告远志明强奸了她。老万说,我跟远志明很熟,我们是在一起搞连续剧的,说要我来处理。我就去了,好像是个记者招待会式的,一大堆记者都在那里等着我,都想问这个事情。我说,“这个女人比远志明大一把年纪,远志明怎么会对她感兴趣哪?大家就“哄”地都笑了。然后就都散了,再什麽也没发生,就这麽,就这麽处理了。”

 

当我跟万润南先生说起晓康的话时,万润南先生说,“哦,不,那位女士是个舞蹈演员,是很可以的,看上是个很有经历的女人。当时这个事被捅到媒体上,很多人都知道了。另外有位法国的老基督徒先生说,“听说这位朱女士的生活并不幸福。她的丈夫从中国来了,后来又离婚了。听说她有三个孩子,因为没能力抚养,她不得不把两个孩子送出去给法国人寄养。我们不知道她去哪里了。。。”我听了心里好难过。任何一位受过性强暴和没得公义的人都会在婚姻家庭中继续每天付着沉重的代价。这是个无形的沉重的枷锁。啊,可怜的姐妹,无论你在哪,我们迫切为你祷告。愿爱我们的耶稣找到你,抚恤你的伤口,医治你和孩子们,直到你找到真正永生的幸福和平安!

 

万润南先生说写证明的原因是,“支持正义的,支持受欺负的,支持弱者,做一个人来说,是最起码的。”作为一个受害者,在过去的三年中试图从教会那里得到公义,却经历了这麽多的不公义和诽谤,现在听到不是基督徒的万润南先生这样公义的话,让我心里充满深深的感激和尊敬,也充满感慨。万润南先生是第一位为弱者出来做见证的。我们要纪念他的正义和勇敢。愿天父深深的祝福他和家人,按神的许诺:让“爱慕公义如饥如渴的人有福了,因为他们必得饱足。”请千千万万位为我们这事祷告的兄弟姐妹们,在神前为万先生能够得永生和平安代祷祝福!

 

我跟先生祷告后决定把万先生的证词尽快发出来。我们希望达到以下的四个目的:

 

·       制止远或其他的强奸犯再伤害人:从我们最近知道的信息,强奸犯不被制止,会有90%的可能重犯,我们不愿意因为任何再耽误,来导致另一位无辜者受侵害。

 

·       掀起营救帮助受害者的运动:我们也希望您们从我的分享中知道,受害者是怎样每天都生活在死亡边缘的,不管是信主的还是没信主的。每一分种的耽误使她们看不到希望,会使她们因为实在没有希望走不动了而寻短见的。中国每天有500个妇女因为这样类似的伤害而自杀。最近北京的牧师来信说,两位高中女学生被强暴后又被攻击,她们绝望自杀了。兄弟姐妹们,睁开眼晴吧,这样的悲剧是在天天继续发生的。鼓励受害者公布伤痛,一句温柔公义的话语,会起到生与死的区别。

 

·       Be a hero! 做个像万润南先生一样拯救生命的英雄!如果您们有见证,不要担心是否证据不足,是否能有任何帮助,等等,神要使用您的资料和见证来救更多的受害者。请您们继续跟我们举报:info@allgirlsallowed.org

 

·       Be His church! 愿我们的教会,按神的教导行事,在世人面前成为耶稣的见证,成为洁净、圣洁的教会。愿牧师们遵行耶和华对牧者的要求,来牧养神交给他的羊群:“我必亲自牧养我的羊,亲自使牠们躺卧。这是主耶和华的宣告。迷失的,我必寻找;被赶散的,我必领回;受伤的,我必包扎;患病的,我必养壮;。。。我也必按着公正牧养牠们。”(以西结书34:16)“受傷的,你們沒有包紮”这句话对我特别有感动。教会里可能有74%的姐妹受过性强暴,86%的有过堕胎,30%-90%的有过或还有家暴,等等,牧者教会兄弟姐妹们的责任是什麽那?神对牧者的要求是什麽哪?

 

最后,我要说明,至今为止,我们还没有收到任何从远志明,或者神州董事会和远的按牧团的正式回应。

 

最近听到有人说刘彤牧师在教会小组长会上说,远志明在我去见刘彤牧师时曾来过波士顿见我,这是没有的;我在2012年给刘彤牧师写了一封12页的信要求他调查这事,刘彤牧师在2013年2月我去他的教会分享事工时严辞拒绝调查;说我要远志明去国会道歉,这是无稽之谈,怎么可能?还说我曾给远志明和太太礼物,这也是绝对没有的。我记得在1991年秋,我在普林斯顿访问另外一对夫妇时,他们非要我跟他们一起去看望远志明刚从中国来的太太。我说我不要去。他们就非说,“为什麽不去?“并用眼睛直盯着我。我不愿意说出被远志明强暴的原因,只好跟他们一起去了。他们可能是给远志明夫妇礼物了,(什麽礼物我不知道)他们也有可能为了客气把我的名字加上,但是我是绝对没有送任何礼物的。相反,在2014年6月24日跟远志明见面时,远志明在临走时留下了他和太太送的护肤霜给我。两位牧师证人都看到。如果用刘彤牧师送礼物就断定是有罪的话,那刘彤牧师这次该断定谁是理亏有罪的哪?

 

现在既然知道耶稣的真理真相,那耶稣的道路方式是什麽哪?经文里指示的很清楚:约翰一书3:9“凡是從神生的,就不(继续)犯罪,因為神的生命在他裡面;他也不能(继续)犯罪,因為他是從神生的。”

 

提摩太前书5:20:“常常犯罪的,你要當眾責備他們,使其餘的人也有所懼怕。”

 

我们愿意遵行圣经所说的,做耶稣要我们做的吗?

 

发稿于2015年1月30日

 

P.S. 2015年1月31日, 收到苏晓康的电邮。部分节选如下: 

 

当时我对记者们陈述的两点意见:

 

第一、某某说远志明性侵她,只是单方面指控,远本人目前外出,不在巴黎,我们无从核实;但如果警察局现在就出面侦查处理这件事,进入刑事调查,我们民阵立刻就会表态。

 

第二、某某女士和远志明,两人都不是未成年人,而且那位女士比远年纪还大几岁,所以强奸的事实不容易认定。这时候,那些记者才“哄”的笑起来。

 

 

[图片来源: wallpapermania.eu]

 

 

 







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LUZHOU, Sichuan, China—16-year-old Cai Yanqiong is in critical condition after drinking pesticide, reported Chinese media this week. Ms. Cai, an “over-quota” daughter, had just learned that her lack of government registration barred her from taking China’s college entrance exam.

 

Ms. Cai, who has one older brother, was raised by a single father who came under the jurisdiction of the One-Child Policy. In Sichuan,...

 

Beijing, China—All Girls Allowed received word that China’s central family planning leaders have ordered local affiliates to modify their enforcement of the One-Child Policy.

 

Yesterday All Girls Allowed reached the family planning office in Chongqing, the city where disgraced hardliner Bo Xilai ruled as Party Secretary until this spring. A committee member confirmed that they had issued an order on August 30th prohibiting forced...