“It’s always possible to find out the truth; are you willing?”
Chai Ling’s Letter to the Church Regarding Yuan Zhi Ming
November 24, 2014
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, elders, and pastors,
Peace in the Lord to you all!
I am writing to you an open letter. I hope that under the leadership of God and the Holy Spirit you will help this pastor and the woman who has come to harm because of him.
In the letter I wrote on April 15 of this year I mentioned that I myself had been sexually assaulted in the past, and I wrote about how the Lord greatly blesses our obedience and forgiveness and uses it to release His great power and work.
At the time I wanted to use this situation to express the power of forgiveness, hoping that more people would join Christ’s army of forgiveness so that China can be brought into freedom. (Forgiveness does not mean ignoring justice. Rather, when we forgive, God helps us and quickens the process of finding justice. At the same time forgiveness does not equal reconciliation. Reconciliation requires repentance and a change of behavior in the offender in order to come to pass.)
I never imagined the amount of response and care that would come regarding the event of my rape. Many have called and sent messages asking about who it was and what happened. I did not immediately tell people who it was or what happened, choosing instead to focus on prayer and asking for His way to be clear.
I felt that the Holy Spirit led me to use the model of Matthew 18:15-20 to deal with this situation. Thanks be to the grace of God that as I came under God’s methods, I was finally able to meet and discuss all of this with the man who is now a pastor. Toward the end of June, almost 24 years after the matter, we met together with two other pastors as witnesses.
According to the principles of the Scripture, the first step is for both parties to privately handle the matter. If unable to do so, then two or three witnesses should be brought in to settle the matter, and if the matter still cannot be settled, then it must be handed over to the church. Unfortunately, even though we are now nearing Thanksgiving, this pastor has still refused to apologize sincerely for his sins. He is continuing to lie and make up stories. Even more unfortunate is that one of the pastors who served as my witness has been influenced by his lies and no longer believes me. Around July and August she even sought to convince my church pastors and elders to stop helping me, saying that the matter has become a “he said, she said” situation. This caused me great disappointment with this witness as well as the whole church system, and even more terrifying was that I nearly lost patience and faith in God’s promise of justice.
Thank the Lord He is the one who reigns over Truth and that Christ is the faithful God. Finally on November 19, after God helped me through deep intimate prayer I was able to come out from under the control of false spiritual authority. I felt once again the reality of God as I had experienced in Tiananmen Square.
A few days later God helped me to find a professional polygraph expert. This expert not only fully proved that I was telling the truth through his tests, but with full confidence suggested that I say to all those who are in need: “It is always possible to find out the truth; are you willing?”
I hope that God can use these words from this polygraph expert and my own 24-year journey of walking out of the pain of rape to shorten the heart journey of millions of women and children who have suffered from rape. I want to see them quickly find justice, healing, fullness, freedom, and eternal life.
This is also why, before Thanksgiving of this year, I followed the principles of Scripture to bring before the church the situation of Yuan Zhi Ming raping me in the autumn of 1990 at Princeton and continuing to lie about it to this day. I hope that the church can help to achieve the following three things:
- Let Yuan Zhi Ming understand the harm his sexual abuse has brought to women, the church, Christ, and himself, that he would come to repentance before the Lord and the Church, confessing all of his sins in this area.
Church fans and believers must know that Christ is the one whom we believe in, not men made to be like idols.
- Let all the women who have been raped, past and present, by Yuan Zhi Ming have the courage to speak out until he can no longer continue harming innocent women. Help every one who because of the hurt caused by Yuan Zhi Ming cannot believe in Jesus or cannot truly trust in God be able to know that God truly loves us. Help them to receive the unconditional love of Christ and receive complete restoration in Christ
- Let each victim of sexual abuse, regardless of whether they are Christians or not, see the healing power of God and not lose hope, and through seeing this receive healing and salvation. Let every believer know the true value of salvation in Christ and boldly repent and be sanctified, no longer hindering the work of God on earth. Cause the pastors of the Church to understand the responsibilities and expectations of those who lead as shepherds, that they would truly feed the sheep of God, that they would teach them to walk out Kingdom mercy and justice, unto the furthering of the Kingdom of God.
In order to provide you with background information to make a judgment, I present herewith my email to Yuan Zhi Ming on June 1, 2014. (For the sake of protecting anonymity, I have used XX and X for the names of two of the pastors mentioned.):
Sunday, 6/1/2014, 6:34 p.m.
Yuan Zhi Ming,
How are you doing? What I am about to share is in accordance with the teachings of Christ as recorded in the Gospel of Matthew 18:15-20.
The Brother Who Sins
15 If your brother sins, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. 16 if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that every fact can be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 17 If he does not listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses even to listen to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
Around late October or early November of 2011, I sent you an email stating that I have forgiven you for the rape incident in Princeton. You immediately phoned me. The first thing you said to me was, “Have you told anyone about it?” I replied, “I have prayed with the sisters from church, and I’ve decided not to share this with other people, just like David chose not to attack Saul.” You immediately responded, “Chai Ling, I’ve read your book. It does you no good as you share this with others.”
When I heard what you said, part of me was mad. I continue to explain to you, “This incident held me back from completely believing in the Lord for the past 19 years. Thanks to God’s grace, I was finally able to believe in God through Pastor Yun after 19 years. If you have treated any other person the way you treated me, you should apologize to them so that they will not be like me, unable to believe in the Lord, to be free from pain and gain salvation. You also know that in Luke 17:1-2, “Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. 2 It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.’”
Instead of apologizing, you laughed and said, “Chai Ling, you are a new Christian now. Do you not know that, ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!’ (2 Corinthians 5:17).”
After we talked for a few more minutes, our phone conversation ended.
I felt terrible after our phone call, but because I was preoccupied with my All Girls Allowed ministry (it was during the time when we were preparing to go to Rome), I decided not to let our conversation distract me from doing God’s work. It is true that I was a new Christian, but our conversation made me feel even worse than before (idiom: swallowing a fly). I did not feel any relief.
Around February of 2012, I watched your documentary “The Cross” in a Chinese church library. After I watched it, I felt touched by the sacrifices and devotion of the older generation of Christians. I also gave thanks to the Lord for your job as a pastor. In the spring of 2013, I exchanged my books for over ten DVDs of the documentary, so that the gospel might be more wide spread. I tried to allow myself to forgive and reconcile with the past incident.
But in November of 2012, when brothers and sisters were praying for me for healing and freedom, Jesus Christ suddenly reminded me of the pain you caused me in the Princeton rape incident in 1990. During that time, I had just moved into my new apartment. You said you wanted to show me a movie. I had heard that you were one of the directors for River Elegy, so I just took in what you said without a doubt. I thought you had another production to show me. You surprised me by showing me a pornographic video. When I started to feel uncomfortable and wanted you to stop the video, I asked you to leave, but you grabbed me and physically pushed me to the carpet. You raped me right there and you covered my eyes with the jackets that fell during my struggle. Even until this day, the reason I have such a difficult time writing this letter is because I cannot forget the deathly shining light from the ceiling light bulb. My heart was in pain and I hated you for raping me.
My hatred towards you has convinced me not to remember you as a person. Even after so many years, I always respond “What a hypocrite!” whenever I hear your name. Only by doing so have I had the strength to continue on with my life.
When you pulled your pants up, you acted as if nothing had happened. In order to distract me, you randomly said, “Chai Ling, the Tiananmen Massacre incident was not such a big deal after all. You have no idea about China’s One-Child policy, the bloody forced abortions with many live infants being killed in the womb. The nurses immediately stick their heads into the water buckets. Only then do these infants stop moving after struggling for several moments. There have been countless infants killed through forced abortions. They even use the infants’ eyes to make medicine, pulling out their eyeballs, and putting them together like a small mountain…”
I sat on the floor with great agony and used my clothes to cover my contaminated body. I was in tremendous pain, not just for myself but also for these mothers and the forcefully aborted infants.
After I fled China, losing family, country, everything … my body, soul and mind shattered … I never thought that I would be raped by you. What Satan did not accomplish in the fall of 1986, you did in 1990.
For the sake of protecting the reputation of the student movement, I decided not to report you to the police. Now looking back, my decision granted you freedom from the punishment of rape. Look at God’s grace towards you!
However, I allowed myself to fall into Satan’s lies as I made that decision.
“No matter how much I try, I can never overcome evil.” This lie has held me in bondage for 19 years. And I was unable to serve the work that God had planned for me during these 19 years.
Nonetheless, God’s power is greater than Satan’s lies. God has helped me overcome these lies and has provided me more strength than I need. God touched me, saved me, and led me to believe in Him and His salvation through a prayer on December 4, 2009.
Regardless of my conversion to Christianity, the rape incident caused me a lot of pain. It has stopped me from putting my full trust in God and Jesus Christ. When I received God’s healing around late November/early December of 2012, I experienced His power and love. However, I continued to question why God had allowed this incident to happen to me. During that prayer, God spoke to me and gave me a promise. My heart seemed to slowly heal in God.
Do you know that I was supposed to become a Christian in 1990? I spent these 19 years struggling in the ocean of suffering and darkness, unable to see hope and light. For 19 years, I was unable to help to end the One-Child Policy in China and over 2 to 3 billions children have been murdered since. If, I (we) had announced the One-Child Policy on the world platform when the media was still paying attention to China and its struggle to achieve human rights, we might have abolished the policy. Together with God and the people, imagine how many children we could have saved!!!
I asked you in my first email, after you believed in the Lord, what you have done for these children? You did not respond. What kind of Christianity do you believe in? You can peacefully attend school, study the Bible, pray, preach, and yet you cannot see the suffering faces of these children? You cannot hear the cries of these helpless mothers?
In March of 2013, I felt the severity of the rape incident. A sister in Christ told me that you had abused the Bible verse of “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Jesus clearly stated in Luke 19: 8-10, “But Zaccheus stood up and said to the Lord, ‘Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
In Proverbs 6:30-31, “People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house. Do you not know that the Lord despises rape, for it is written in Deuteronomy 22:25, “But if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die.” You said that you did not have peace before the Lord and asked for His mercy. If you knew the truth, why did you use the Bible verse to lie to me (in November of 2011) and then lie to Pastor XX (in March of 2013). You told her that you did not agree that what happened between the two of us in 1990 was rape. You lied to Pastor XX, saying that I was the one who went to find you in your apartment. Do you not think that Jesus Christ knows the truth???
I have forgiven you and continuously pray for you before the Lord. I ask Him to give you courage to face the past. I also know that I am not the only rape victim. Has God not heard our prayers day and night before Him?
I hope you can formally apologize to me and offer an explanation of why you did what you did. I hope you can also do the same for the other victims.
If you continue to live in sin, violence, lies and deception after committing your life to God as a pastor, you must change, stop, repent, and comfort the victims.
We are all sinners. When we confess our sins before the Lord, we can continue to do even greater ministry for God … just like Abraham, David, etc. But if you continue to sin knowing that you have already sinned, that would be truly horrifying.
I give you three days to reply to me. Pastor XX and Pastor Yun are my witnesses.
After a few days, Yuan Zhi Ming replied to the email saying that he was willing to set up a time to meet. In order to reach true forgiveness and reconciliation, I replied to his email as pasted below:
On June 14, 2014, 11:48 AM, Chai Ling < Chailing@allgirlsallowed.org > wrote:
Yuan Zhi Ming,
Thank you for your email. Even though I was traveling, I could still receive emails. We can first communicate in this way.
Almost 24 years have passed and we have not resolved this issue. I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to address the problem at hand directly. I am willing to call you my brother in Christ. However, the rape and lies that you told me have made it difficult for me to believe what you say. There are some Christians who are criminals in disguise. My exchanges with you from 2011 until now have made it hard for me to trust you. Jesus told us that through the cross He can forgive all of our sins, but we must have the courage to face our sins. Any denial or excuses will not free you or grant you salvation.
With that being said, I want to communicate three points:
1. If you are continuing to engage in raping others, not only must you stop now; you have to confess your sin and repent before the victims.
2. You have become a stumbling block for the rape victims in Princeton, Paris, and Beijing. Please apologize to them immediately and ask for forgiveness in Jesus’ name.
3. I hope you will give me a formal written apology for the rape incident and the lies (the first lie and threats made in November of 2011, and the second lie told to Pastor XX in March of 2013).
If you are willing to accept and resolve these three aspects of the problem, we can set up a time to meet or talk over the phone. I will come back to Boston on June 22.
Yuan Zhi Ming replied to the email stating that he was willing to apologize sincerely and to reconcile. We finally met on June 24. We continued to work towards reconciliation in front of witnesses. Here are my notes written on July 13. They were written for the witnesses present at the meeting.
Yuan Zhi Ming,
Hello. We met on June 24th at Pastor XX’s church. Our meeting and conversation was held in the witness of Pastor XX and Pastor X. Pastor Yun was not present. Please forward this email to Pastor X.
Our meeting started around 10:30 a.m. and ended roughly around 2:30 p.m.
First, I would like to thank you for coming to Boston to meet with me. After 24 years, to finally have such progress is by God’s grace. I am also especially thankful to Pastor XX and Pastor X for taking their time to witness this meeting. Thank Pastor Yun for his non-stop prayer and encouragement from 2:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m.
The result of our meeting is this: “Chai Ling maintains that in 1990 she was raped by Yuan Zhi Ming. Yuan Zhi Ming brought forth his own statement saying that he and Chai Ling continued to have a romantic relationship after the incident. Here two versions of the story were shared. During the talk, Yuan Zhi Ming apologized based on Chai Ling’s version, and Chai Ling once again extended her forgiveness to him. Pastor XX prayed to cut soul ties and cleanse both sides. However, Yuan Zhi Ming did not clearly answer or apologize for the three requirements Chai Ling had provided. Chai Ling believes that there are now two versions and that this is not the end but only the beginning. After the meeting, there was an agreement that a memorandum will be made for future record. The duty of writing the memorandum would fall on the pastors from both sides. Chai Ling required an explanation to be made to the public who are aware of this matter. Before a statement would be issued, it would be given to all parties for their approval.
After the meeting, Chai Ling made a brief report to Pastor Yun who was in Germany. Chai Ling and Pastor Yun came to the consensus that only the truth can make us free and that there can only be one version of the truth.
Chai Ling’s position now: Chai Ling never agreed to Yuan Zhi Ming’s version. She never agreed that after being raped by Yuan Zhi Ming, they continued to have a romantic relationship. Through grace, Chai ling gave Yuan Zhi Ming three possibilities for his version:
1. He is telling the truth.
2. He is mistaken.
or 3. He is lying.
Chai Ling never believed that Yuan’s version is true. Either Yuan Zhi Ming is mistaken or he is lying.
In order to continue searching for the truth, Chai Ling, on June 30th, made a call to one of Yuan Zhi Ming’s close friends, Su Xiao Kang. After 1989, when Yuan Zhi Ming and Su Xiao Kang were In Paris, a woman also accused Yuan Zhi Ming of rape. Wan Run Nan and Su Xiao Kang received this allegation but no investigation was made.
After coming to Princeton, Yuan Zhi Ming continued to have an affair with and live with a friend’s wife, “Xiao Ma,” until his own wife arrived from Beijing. This is further proof that Chai Ling and Yuan Zhi Ming did not have a romantic relationship.
Biblical principles require us to go through three steps to deal with a conflict. The first is to meet alone; this step took place in November 2011. The next step is to meet with witnesses; this step took place on June 24th. If the results do not reach a settlement then the third step is to take things to the church.
Chai Ling has already reported this situation to her church in the United States. The church elders and pastors immediately said that they wanted to help deal with this matter. They will contact Pastor XX and hope to enter into the next step.
Pastor Yun was in Los Angeles on October 3rd. He also suggested that he could help.
Chai Ling’s prayer is:
Jesus is the truth. Please use Your power and might to reveal the truth. Let Your children and Your church have complete freedom in the truth! The church is Yours. Please restore Your holy church! In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen!”
The following is the draft statement that was not issued to the public:
“On account of the public, this is my statement:
Thank you friend for your concern. I did not think that my letter would receive such response and care. Thank God for His grace. Perhaps because of the influence of public opinion, after 24 years, I was finally able to have a meeting with that pastor in June in the presence of two witnesses, who are also pastors.
Although there was progress during our meeting, we did not reach a consensus. Next we are prepared to bring this matter to the church and its elders.
Sexual assault is an evil crime. There are many victims, but few of them ever get justice or healing. They live lives in pain and torment. However, God loves us. Jesus Christ died for us on the cross 2000 years ago to give us justice and healing. Today, He is still leading us into true freedom and happiness! Though I have not yet finished the road to freedom, I hope that brothers and sisters who have had similar experiences will not give up hope! God’s promise is true!
Brothers and sisters, please pray for our next step. We know that Christ is the truth and the way to life. He is willing to expose the truth, and in the truth of God, His sons and daughters will be set free! Let His church be a holy light! May all who have experienced violence be healed, let the imprisoned be set free! In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen!”
From July to August, our family, by God’s arrangement, traveled abroad. The Holy Spirit taught us step by step that He wants to lead China’s future path. Holy Spirit is raising up China, and the future of China will be led by the church. However, God wants His church to be sincere, holy, and righteous. China’s future government will be a righteous government because she will be built on Christ and led by the church. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will accomplish this (Isaiah 9:7).
After I came back to Boston at the end of August, I immediately met with the elder from my American church. However, while I was out of the country, Pastor XX had attempted to convince my American pastor and elder to not help me to find the truth but to give up on the investigation. I forgave her before the Lord. My American elder was perplexed as to why Yuan refused to apologize. Is there something he is hiding? The elder thought that without the truth, there is no forgiveness. He decided to support me to find an expert in polygraph testing in order to prove the authenticity of my words. He also believed that this is a spiritual battle, and he prayed for the justice of God to be accomplished.
From September to November, the spiritual battle was fierce, but God is a victorious God. He let us see that there has been an evil teaching among the churches, that of false spiritual authority. This teaching declares that we should not “touch” or confront “God’s anointed”, or else we will be cursed. The true spiritual authority should be God’s promised protection over all of His children. It should never be the foundation or excuse for pastors or prophets or bishops to abuse God’s children and believers in His name. Every believer is God’s anointed. “But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and you know all things” (1John 2:20).
Several pastors who supported Yuan all tried to convince me and stop me from confirming the truth by using the reasoning that God is using Yuan. They also tried to excuse him from his responsibility by saying that he was not a Christian when the rape happened. They even attacked me and questioned how I would dare to expose this matter.
But deep in my heart I knew we should only fear God, not men. I had to heed God’s voice and His guidance. During our prayer times with the Lord, I felt God’s hatred toward hypocrisy. “Enough is enough! My church needs to be holy!” It seemed that God was crying out and roaring with anger because He hates people who use His name in vain and steal His glory. God could cause a donkey talk and the stones to cry out in praise. He wants us to fear Him and not to idolize men. We are not to think that God’s glory comes from men’s work. When we sin against each other, He desires for us to speak the truth in love and not to deceive one another. “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.” (Colossians 3:9)
It was very soon after God helped me to break free from the false spiritual authority I had worshipped that I was able to meet with the polygraph expert on November 19th. The truth came out. After he finished the test he told me, “Go and tell them that we can always find the truth … but are you willing?” I did not know whether to laugh or cry. This was such a simple truth. Why did I have to go through 24 years of hardship in order to obtain it?
In order to prove my testimony was true, I had to go through many difficulties. One of these occurred in February, 2013. Pastor XX led me to meet the pastor who is her overseer. I had also found out in December, 2012, that this pastor was one of the six pastors who had ordained Yuan. I was very excited, believing that he could definitely be a mediator to help with the reconciliation between me and Yuan. Yuan would be able to admit and repent.
Per this senior pastor’s request, I stayed up the whole night (about 7 hours) to finish a 12-page write-up of the background information regarding the rape. Yet, when I met with this pastor that day in February, he told me with an indifferent tone: “We have handled similar cases before. It’s a ‘he said, she said’ situation. When one person is healed, the other person will get hurt…” Then he looked at me and said to me firmly: “I believe him because we are good friends. We meet and have meals with each other once a month…”
I was in shock but still couldn’t help saying: “Should not God’s church be holy?” I ended up crying through the five-hour flight back to Boston.
After this my co-worker found out about this, and he emailed this overseeing pastor to suggest that he should at least try to investigate this matter. But my co-worker reported that this pastor emailed him back and said: “Don’t even mention this matter to me. It is over!”
In order to investigate this matter, I have had to endure people yelling at me and hanging up the phone on me. Other elder pastors have refused to intervene. The pastor who was supposed to be a witness ended up having a bias toward me after reading a letter that was published on our website in my name. When he came to the mediation meeting on June 24th, he interrogated me as to why I had mentioned the rape in an open letter.
I felt utterly alone. Just as I have mentioned, even the pastor who helped me in the beginning recently announced that she has started to believe Yuan’s testimony. She doesn’t know who to believe and even intercepted my American pastor and elder to stop them from helping me to find the truth and justice.
All of this does not even include the long and difficult journey to come out of shame, pain and loneliness.
On June 25th at our board meeting, when I expressed my sense of failure and defeat after meeting with Yuan, my American pastor was very shocked: “If it is such a difficult thing for a strong woman like you to confront them, what would they do to a woman who is weak and without any resource?”
Yes, just as I told the male pastor who came to mediate on June 24th: “Without God, there is no hope.” I could never have come out of it if I had not chosen to forgive those who hurt me after the act. I would never have been able to persevere to find ways of healing and justice for all His daughters who suffer humiliation and abuse until today if I had not experienced God’s presence with me.
The way to justice was a message provided by Christ that came through the polygraph expert, “We can always find the truth…but are you willing?” At that moment, overwhelmed by emotions, endless praise and thanksgiving came forth from my heart.
I am so grateful for my husband who never doubted me through the whole process. He was the one who first suggested in the spring of 2013 that I find the truth through a polygraph test. I am so thankful for God who guides my husband. “Oh God, You rule and reign in all things in heaven and on earth. You are righteousness and full of mercy and compassion. You satisfy the orphan’s heart and cause the widow’s heart to sing!” (Job 29）
The next step according to Matthew 18 is to inform the church what Yuan did. But who is his church? Who are his elders? Who holds the pastors, our brothers and sisters, accountable according to biblical standards?
I was saddened by my previous experiences of defeat. The answer to a righteous and just society I had looked for in the past 27 years had led me to God. God had shown me that the hope for China in the future could be found in the church. But where is the hope and justice of the church?
A few nights ago, during prayer, God led me to Ezekiel 34.
Prophecy against the Shepherds of Israel
Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel. Prophesy and say to those shepherds, ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Woe, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flock? 3 You eat the fat and clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat sheep without feeding the flock. 4 Those who are sickly you have not strengthened, the diseased you have not healed, the broken you have not bound up, the scattered you have not brought back, nor have you sought for the lost; but with force and with severity you have dominated them. 5 They were scattered for lack of a shepherd, and they became food for every beast of the field and were scattered. 6 My flock wandered through all the mountains and on every high hill; My flock was scattered over all the surface of the earth, and there was no one to search or seek for them.”’”
7 Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: 8 “As I live,” declares the Lord God, “surely because My flock has become a prey, My flock has even become food for all the beasts of the field for lack of a shepherd, and My shepherds did not search for My flock, but rather the shepherds fed themselves and did not feed My flock; 9 therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: 10 ‘Thus says the Lord God, “Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will demand My sheep from them and make them cease from feeding sheep. So the shepherds will not feed themselves anymore, but I will deliver My flock from their mouth, so that they will not be food for them.”’”
The Restoration of Israel
11 For thus says the Lord God, “Behold, I Myself will search for My sheep and seek them out. 12 As a shepherd cares for his herd in the day when he is among his scattered sheep, so I will care for My sheep and will deliver them from all the places to which they were scattered on a cloudy and gloomy day. 13 I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries and bring them to their own land; and I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the streams, and in all the inhabited places of the land. 14 I will feed them in a good pasture, and their grazing ground will be on the mountain heights of Israel. There they will lie down on good grazing ground and feed in rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I will feed My flock and I will lead them to rest,” declares the Lord God. 16 “I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the broken and strengthen the sick; but the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them with judgment.
God’s Word gave me so much comfort. I hope those who read this letter will find comfort in God as well. I am not saying that God does not delight in the pastors whom I have mentioned here. They need to bring all of this to prayer with God themselves. But this passage talks about the expectations and commands that God has toward His church. China can only receive true justice and freedom when a church that glorifies God is built up. But we don’t need to worry because God will make sure this comes to pass.
While I was taking the polygraph test, former U.S. President Jimmy Carter was presenting a speech at Harvard Theological School in which he reported that 10% of rapes and 20% of sexual harassment against women are committed by 4% of men. According to the statistics, if a rapist is not apprehended, there is a 70% chance for him to repeat the crime. A rapist will on average violate five people.
This speech by former US President Jimmy Carter does not stand alone. The Lord showed me in a vision while I was receiving healing from the rape that He is on the move to heal His broken, wounded daughters. Take a look at the recent reports. On a daily basis, God is cleansing His society by exposing sexual violence in different areas such as the military, our schools, and in the media.
Is the Chinese church not aware of the consequences of the decline of the American Catholic Church caused by the covering up of sexual scandals?
Today, God will give the authority of justice, holiness, honesty, and mercy to His church on earth, the bride of Christ. He is raising up the church to stop the violence of these 4% of men, bind the wounds of the 30% of all women whose hearts, souls and lives are suffering. Jesus is calling forth pastors to be true shepherds: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” (John 10:11)
Church, stop covering up sins.
Some people may ask, “Is this forgiveness? Is it possible that Chai Ling is doing this in order to grab fame for herself and to advance her ministry, or even take revenge?”
Theses are all the excuses that the aforementioned pastors used to protect Yuan. But how does God see this? In my time of prayer with the Lord, I felt Him say, “No! I did not send my Son to turn over the tables at the temple to bring justice but to bring my fierce love.”
Lastly, let me conclude this letter with the last email exchange I had with Yuan.
I do not know what the future holds. But truth is truth. God is God. Justice is justice. No matter how long the delay will be, it will surely come. Therefore, I turn all my pain, hurt, and torment to the all-reigning, loving God and His church. I believe God will raise up righteous shepherds. God will raise up a true church who will represent the courageous spirit of Christ.
Yuan Zhi Ming,
We have not been in contact since the meeting on June 24th. In August, I met with my church’s elder and pastor after they met with pastor XX. Our decision is for me to take a polygraph test in order to prove my testimony is true. Because of the busy schedule with ministry and healing in the Spirit, along with the time needed to find a polygraph expert, I had hoped you could repent, but I have not heard any response from you.
Finally, God helped me to take the polygraph test on November 19. The expert tested that my account of being raped by you is absolutely true and authentic. I was raped by you the first time I met you and I had no other sexual relations with you after that.
You said on June 24th that you did not want to take a polygraph test to prove your side of the story, but you continue to lie and say that I continued to have sexual relations with you and that you did not rape other women.
This is absolutely wrong that you keep on sinning while declaring you are in Christ.
Hebrews 10:20-30 says:
20 By a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, 21 and having a High Priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
26 For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”
Matthew 18:15-20 says:
15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’[a] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
18 “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 “Again I say[b] to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”
John 8:32 says
32And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
I give a true blessing this Thanksgiving to Christ, who shows us the way to be a good shepherd!
All Girls Allowed---In Jesus’ Name Simply Love Her
101 Huntington Avenue, Suite 2205 | Boston, MA 02199
office: 617.492.9099 x241 | fax: 617.492.9081
在今年4月15日的一份公开信上，我提到我曾被性侵犯。神如何大大地祝福了我们的顺服和饶恕，成就了神要做的事情。 我当时是想用这件事情来说明饶恕的力量， 希望更多的人加入基督饶恕的大军， 让中国早得自由。（再次说明，饶恕不等于不求公义。相反，当我们饶恕的时候，神会帮助我们早日找到公义； 同时， 饶恕也不等于和解。和解必须是对方认罪改变行为时才能发生） 没想到很多的人会对我被强暴的事更关心和反应。很多人也打电话写邮件来问， 是谁， 怎么回事。
我没有跟人马上说是谁， 怎么回事， 而是专心地跟神祷告，寻求他的道路。 我感到圣灵指使我按马太福音18：15-20的方式来处理这件事情。感谢神的恩典，在我按神的方式执行的时候， 几乎在24年之后， 我在6月底终于跟这个现在是牧师的人在两位牧师的见证下见面会谈。按照圣经的原则， 第一步是两人单独处理， 如果不行的话带两到三位证人再会面处理，这样还不行的话就要把事情交给教会。很遗憾的是，现在马上就到感恩节了，但是 这位牧师还是不肯为自己的罪真心地道歉。还在编故事撒谎。更遗憾的是， 帮我作见证的一位牧师也被他说的谎言影响， 而不再相信我。 她还试图在7月8月时说服我现在的教会长老牧师不要再帮助我， 说这事成了是 “他说的， 她说的”。这让我对这个作证的牧者和这个教会系统非常失望。但更可怕的是， 我差点对神的公义的应许失去耐心和信心。
感谢基督是掌管真理真相的基督，基督是信实的神。终于在11月19日， 当神帮助我通过“深入亲密神”的祷告从假的属灵权柄（false spiritual authority）的控制下摆脱出来后，神让我感到他就是我在天安门时感到的真正的神。几天后，神为我找到了个职业测谎专家 （polygraph tester）。 这位专家不但通过测试完完全全的证明了我说的是真相， 并且充满信心的建议我对所有有需要的人说： “我们永远可以找出真相， 你愿意吗？”我希望神通过这位专家赐下的话，和我自己这24年来被强暴后走过的痛苦路程，能够缩短成百万的受过性强暴的妇女儿童和男孩子们的心理路程， 能让她们也早日得到公正，医治，美满，自由和永生。
- 让远志明认识到他的性暴力对妇女， 对教会， 对基督，对他自己的伤害， 能让他在主面前和教会面前忏悔， 承认他在这方面所有的过犯；教会的粉丝信徒也认识到我们信的是基督， 不该是偶像化的人；
- 让所有远志明强暴过的妇女， 过去的和现在的，勇敢地举报，以制止他再伤害下一个无辜的女子；让每一个因远志明的伤害没有办法相信基督的人，没有办法真正信任上帝的人， 能真正认识到“上帝爱我们”；让她们可以来接受基督无私的爱；并在基督中得到完全的恢复和医治；
- 让每一个受性侵犯的受害者，无论是不是基督徒，都能看到基督能够完全医治我们的大能而不放弃希望；并因此得医治得救恩；让每一个信徒知道珍惜基督的救恩的珍贵，能勇敢地忏悔， 重生， 不再耽误神要在世上的工作；让教会的牧者认识神对牧羊人的期望和职责，来真正喂养神的羊， 把天国的公义和怜悯行在世上，让神的国在世上降临 等。
为了给您们提供背景信息来做判断，下面， 我把今年6月1日后跟远志明的交流付上 （我把几个牧师的人名改变）：
Sun 6/1/2014 6:34 PM
Chinese Standard Bible (Traditional) (CSBT)
2011 年10月底或11初的时候，我给你发过一个电邮， 说我已经饶恕了你在普里斯顿强暴我的事。你马上给我回了电话。你第一句话便问我， 我有没有把这件事跟人说。 我说， 我跟教会的老姐妹祷告，我决定不会把这件事说出， 像大卫不会挥手击打扫罗一样。你立即说，“柴玲， 我读了你的书，你把这件事跟人说， 对你不会有好处。”但是我听了，很有点生气。我进一步跟你说，“因为这件事， 让我19年来没能信主。感谢主的恩典，终于在19年后通过像云牧师这样的人把我带到主里来。你还对谁做过像对我那样做的事，你应该去跟她们道歉， 以致于她们不致向我一样， 没有办法信主得自由，得永生。 你也知道基督所说的话，“耶穌對他的門徒們說：「那些使人絆腳的事必然出現，不過使它出現的人有禍了。對他來說，就算脖子上拴著大磨石被丟到海裡，也比他使這些卑微人中的一個絆倒更好。（路加福音 17:1-2）”
你反而笑了，说， “柴玲， 你是新基督徒。你不知道，‘如果有人在基督裡，他就是新造的人；舊的已經過去，看哪，新的已經來臨”（哥林多後書 5:17）
通话后我感觉很不好， 但是因为我当时忙于拯救女童的事工 （我们正准备去罗马的行程）， 我没有让我们之间的交流影响我对主的工作的专心。我是新基督徒没错，但心里觉得我们的这次交流， 跟像是吃了苍蝇一样， 心里很不舒服。
2012 年二月份左右，我在一个华人的教会图书馆里面看到你们制作的纪录片《十字架》。 我看了后，也为那些基督徒的先辈的牺牲和奉献深深感动， 也在主面前为你的这份工作献上感恩。我也的确在2013年春天跟通过交换我的书来买十几盘录像， 为的是让福音更广的传播。我也试图让自己饶恕，和解。
但是2012年11月份时， 在兄弟姐妹为我做医治释放的时候， 基督突然让我感到你在1990年在普林斯顿对我的强暴是多么深深的伤害着我。那时我刚刚搬进新的公寓，你说你要给我看一个电影。 我听你自己说你是《河殇》 的创作人之一， 也就很自然地相信了你。以为你又有什麽大作。 没想到你拿了一片黄色电影来放给我看， 当时我觉得不好意思，要你停止离开时， 你抓住我， 用体力强行把我按倒在地毯上强暴我，并把我挣扎中掉在地上的外衣盖住我的眼睛。直到今天， 这封信还是很难写的原因， 是我始终不能忘记那在天花板上的电灯是那样的刺眼， 我心里是多么的痛恨你对我的施暴。。。。
我的痛恨甚至到了我都不屑于再在我的记忆里认为你是一个人，这麽多年来， 每当我听到你的名字时， 我都在心里说一句“伪君子”。只有这样，我才能继续生活下去。
你当时提起裤子时， 似乎像个没事人一样，为了转移我的注意力， 你随意地说： “柴玲， 他们的天安门屠杀算什麽。你不知道中国的计划生育， 那血淋淋的强迫堕胎，很多小孩堕下来还是活着的， 护士马上把他们的头按到水桶里， 小孩挣扎几下就不动了... 小孩子这样被堕掉的多的不得了。他们认为小孩的眼球可以做药，就把孩子的眼球挖出来， 堆得像小山一样...”
我痛苦地坐在地上， 用衣服盖住我的被玷污的身体， 痛苦极了。 不光为我自己，也为那些不幸的母亲和孩子们。
当时我万万没想到，在我逃出追捕， 失去家人， 失去国土， 失去一切， 心灵身体极其破碎的时候，我会被你强暴。魔鬼在1986年秋天没能成就的事， 你在1990年却做到了。
可是， 因为我这样的决定， 我也让自己陷入了魔鬼的谎言：“无论我怎样努力， 我永远都不会战胜邪恶。”这个谎言， 一直捆绑了我19年。也使我19年里没有能做主为我预备好的工作。
但是神的力量毕竟是远远的胜过魔鬼的。神不仅让我得胜， 并且让我得胜有余。祂在2009年12月4日的祷告里触摸我拯救我，让我信主， 得救。
但是你当时的强奸， 确实给我造成了很大的伤痛。最邪恶的是让我对上帝和基督没有信任。 在2012年11月跟12月底我接受神的医治时， 那时我已经经历了神的大能和大爱，但是我还是不能相信， 神为什麽允许这件事情发生。神给了我话语，也给了我承诺。我的心在主里一点点地愈合。 你知道吗，1990年 本该是我认识基督的一年。19年在苦海和黑暗中挣扎，看不到希望和光明，19年没有办法帮助中国结束一胎化政策，2 到3亿的孩子就这样被杀死了。 如果， 我（们）能在1990年，当全世界的媒体还关注中国和中国的人权状况下， 就提出废除这个一胎化政策，（与主同行， 与众同心） 多少孩子可以被挽救！！！
我给你的第一份电邮就问你，你信主后， 为这些孩子做了些什麽？ 你没有回答。你这算信的是什麽基督教？？？ 你真正能够安心的上学，查经，祷告，讲道，而不看见那些孩子痛苦的脸吗？能不听到那些妈妈们撕心列胆的哭喊吗？？？
2013年3月，我感到事情很严重。我的师姐指明给我， 你说的“人信主， 就是一个新造的人， 过去的都过去了”， 是多么的被滥用。而在这里， 基督也很明确的表示： “撒該站著對主說：「主啊，請看，我要把我財產的一半分給窮人。我如果勒索過誰的東西，就償還四倍。」耶穌對他說：「今天救恩臨到了這一家，因為他也是亞伯拉罕的子孫。要知道，人子來，是為了尋找並拯救迷失的人。」（路加福音 19:8-10）
难道你不知道神对强奸罪的痛恨： 在申命记22:25： “如果有人在田間遇見了已經許配人的少女，拉住她，和她同寢，只要把那和她同寢的人處死。” 你自己也说， 你在主面前昼夜不安定，求主怜悯。 你既然知道真理， 你怎么会又用圣经骗我 （2011年11月）， 然后又骗XX牧师 （2013年3月），跟她说， 我们之间的事是发生过， 你不同意是强奸的说法，还骗XX牧师说是我到你的住所找你的。难道是真理的基督不知道你做的事的真相？？？
我是饶恕你了， 也在神面前不断的为你祷告， 求主给你勇气来面对过去。我也知道我并不是唯一的一个受到你的性暴力的。难道主不听我们在他面前昼夜不息的祷告？
我们都是罪人。神在我们认罪后， 还会给我们更大的事工和恩典。像亚伯拉罕，大卫，等。 但是如果知罪还犯罪，那实在是真正可怕的。
在 Jun 14, 2014，11:48 AM，Chai Ling <email@example.com> 写道：
你好。 谢谢你的回电。我虽然在旅行中， 但是可以收到电邮。 我们可以通过电邮先交流。
经过快24年后这个事情还没有解决，我不会再浪费时间拐弯抹角。 我会很直接地面对真正的问题：我很愿意称呼你为主内兄弟。 但是你做的事：性侵犯和撒谎让我很难知道你究竟是什么。美国也有几个披着基督的外衣行杀人犯罪的人。我从2011年到现在跟你的接触使我没法对你有信任。但是基督上了十字架， 我们任何的罪他都是可以饶恕的。但是要我们有勇气来面对罪。任何继续的否认和接口都是不能让你得到自由和救赎的。
1. 如果你现在还有性侵犯的事情， 你不但要立即停止， 而且要面对受害者立即认罪悔改。
2. 对于你在普林斯顿，巴黎和北京的性侵犯的受害者， 你成为了她们信基督的障碍。 请立即道歉请求她们的饶恕， 为基督正名。
3. 我希望你对我的性侵犯和后来的两次欺骗行为 （第一次是2011年11月左右对我说的谎话和威胁；第二次是2013年3月对XX牧师说的谎话）书面道歉。
你好。我们在6月24日在XXX牧师的教会见面。 我们的谈话会面都在XX牧师和X牧师的见证下。云牧师没有在场。请把这个email 转给X牧师。
我们的会面从上午10:30 左右开始， 大致下午2:30 结束。
我们见面的结果是： “柴玲对在1990年被远志明强暴对证时， 远志明拿出自已的版本， 并称柴玲跟他有继续的男女关系。这里称两个版本。在会谈的继续中， 远志明在柴玲的版本上道歉， 柴玲再一次给予饶恕。XX牧师做了双方切断魂结洁净的祷告。但是远志明对柴玲要求的三个方面都没有认真的回答和认罪道歉。柴玲认为有两个版本，这只是一个开始，并没有结束。会谈后同意写备忘录为未来做记录。备忘录要求交给双方的牧师长老汇报做交代。柴玲并要求对关心这件事情的公众有个交代。在发表公众声明前会给大家过目。
现在柴玲的立场是：柴玲坚决不同意远志明的版本。坚决不认为在被远志明强暴后曾继续跟远有任何男女关系。出于恩典， 在会谈中柴玲给了远志明的版本三个可能：是真的， 是记错人了，是撒谎。柴玲坚决不认为远的故事是真的。那远志明是记错人了还是在故意撒谎？
为了继续搞清真相， 柴玲在6月30日给远志明很熟的朋友苏小康通了个电话：得知在1989后当远志明和苏小康来到巴黎时， 也有一位女士指控远志明强奸她。万润南和苏小康收到这个指控。但是没有给予调查处理。
柴玲已经把事情汇报给她所在的美国教会。教会的长老和牧师立刻表示他们要帮助处理这件事情。他们会跟XX牧师联络， 希望进行下一步。云牧师在10月3日去洛杉矶。 他也提出可以继续帮助。
柴玲的祷告是： 基督你是真理。请您用您的大能和神奇把真相显现出来。让神的儿女和您的教会在真理中得完全的自由！教会是您基督的, 请您恢复您的教会的圣洁！我们以耶稣万胜的名祷告，阿门！”
谢谢朋友们对我的关心， 没有想到在公开信里的一句话提到我对曾对我性侵犯饶恕会引起这么对人的关心和反应。感谢神的恩典， 也许是在公众的舆论影响下，几乎24年之后， 我在6月底终于跟这个现在是牧师的人在两位牧师的见证下见面会谈。按照圣经的原则， 第一步是两人单独处理， 如果不行的话带两到三位证人再会面处理，这样还不行的话就要把事情交给教会。
性侵犯是一个很邪恶的罪行。受害者很多， 但是很少的受害者在社会中能得到公义和医治。她们一生都生活在痛苦和煎熬中。但是神爱我们。基督在2000年前上十字架时就为我们预备好了公义和医治。今天，他也正带领我们走向真正的自由和幸福！虽然我本人走向自由的路还没有完结， 但我希望跟我有同样类似经历的姐妹兄弟们不要放弃希望！神的承诺是真实可信的！
请主内的兄弟姐妹们为我们的下一步祷告。 我们知道基督是真理， 是道路，是生命。 愿他在这里彰显真理， 在真理中让神的儿女们彻底的得自由！ 愿基督的教会光明圣洁！愿所有因性强暴的伤心人得以医治，被囚禁的人得释放！ 以耶稣尊贵的名祷告， 阿门！”
7月到8月，我们全家受主的安排在国外朝圣旅行学习。圣灵在一步步地教导我们他要带领未来中国走的路。圣灵在兴起中国，未来的中国是要有教会来带领的。 但是神要他的教会真诚公义怜悯圣洁。中国未来的政府是绝对公义的政府， 因为她是要建立在基督和教会带领的社会的基础上的。神的热心要成就这事！(以赛亚9:7)
8月底我回到Boston后， 立即去见了我美国教会的长老。没想到在我出国期间，XX牧师似乎居然试图说服美国教会的长老牧师不要再帮助我找出真相。把这事放弃。我在神面前原谅她。美国教会长老很不理解， 为什麽远志明不可以说个道歉， 他还在隐藏着什麽。长老认为， 如果没有真相的话， 何谈饶恕，他决定支持我去找谎言测试专家， 来证明我说的话是真的。他也认为这是一场灵界的征战， 并为我们成就神的公义祷告。
9月， 10月， 11月， 争战很激烈。但是神是得胜的神。他让我们看到教会里普遍有个很邪恶的教导，那就是假的属灵权柄（false spiritual authority），声称：不要碰神的受膏者，否则会受诅咒的。这本来是神对他所有儿女的应许保护， 绝对不是用来允许牧师，先知，主教滥用神的名义虐待神的孩子和信徒的。每一个信徒都是神的受膏者。（你們從那聖者得著膏抹，這是你們都知道的。约翰一书2:20）几位维护远志明的牧师都用神在使用他的理由来说服我不要继续证实真相。并以这件性暴力发生时他还未信主等为他开脱，甚至攻击我为什麽胆敢把这件事讲出来 等等。 但是我深知， 我们必须敬畏神， 不要敬畏人。我一定要听到神的声音和指导。在我们跟神的祷告中， 我感到神对虚伪的极度愤怒，“Enough is enough!” “足够了！我的教会要圣洁！”神几乎是在愤怒的呼喊。深深痛恨人滥用他的名， 偷窃他的荣耀。神可以让驴子讲话， 石头起来敬拜他。他要我们一定要敬畏神，不要偶像人， 不要把神的荣耀当成是人的作为。对人的罪， 神要我们在爱中说真心话。不要互相撒谎。
歌罗西书 3:9 Chinese New Version (Traditional) (CNVT)
当神帮助我把曾经信奉的假的属灵权柄废除后，很快，在 11月19日，这位测谎专家来了， 真相出来了。当他做完一切时对我说， “告诉他们，我们是永远都可以找出真相的。他们愿意吗？”我当时不知是要哭还是要笑的感觉， 如此容易的真理， 为什麽要经过24年的磨难才能得到？
回想为了证明自己说的话是真实的种种磨难， 包括2013年2月，在XX牧师的带领下去见她的资深牧师。在2012年的12月底， 当我得知这位资深牧师是为远志明按牧的6个牧师之一， 我很高兴， 以为他可以成为调解人， 让远志明跟我有机会认错和解。在他的要求下， 我昼夜没睡， 一气写了个7个小时，12页的背景材料。没想到2月份见到资深牧师时， 他很冷漠的说，“这样的事情， 我们也解决过。是他说的， 她说的 （he said, she said）。这个人好了， 得医治， 那个人就会受伤。。。“然后他双目看着我， 斩钉截铁地说， “我相信他。因为我们是好朋友。我们每个月都在一起吃饭。。。”我实在很吃惊。但还是忍不住冲口而说：“难道神的教会不应该圣洁？！”（Should not God’s church be Holy?”）但还是忍不住在飞回东岸的5个多小时的飞机上泪流满面。
之后我的同事Brian知道这件事，又写电邮给这位资深牧师， 建议他应该至少调查一下这件事。但是Brian说他收到这位资深牧师的电邮， 说， “不要再提这件事。这事结束了。”（Don’t even mention this matter to me. It is over!）
为了调查这件事情， 我还忍受人冲我吼， 甩电话；还有其他的资深牧师不肯介入。 那位作证的男牧师相信了网上的一份冒我的名而写的信，对我已怀成见，在今年6月24日的会上并不帮助我，反而责问我为什麽在公开信里提这件事，使我觉得何其孤单。像前面说过的，连开始帮助我的牧师也最近承认她已改为开始相信远志明，又说， 她不知道该信谁，并让我的美国长老牧师不再帮助我找到真相与公义。
是的， 就像是我6月24日跟那位男牧师讲的，“如果没有上帝， 我们就没希望。”如果我不在每次的受挫受伤后立即在心里饶恕这些伤害我的人，我就不会走出来；如果在每一个艰难路程中， 我不是感到上帝与我的同在， 我就不会坚持到今天，坚持到找到神把他要给他受侮辱的女儿们医治公义道路方式的今天。
这个道路方式就是这个测谎专家传递的从基督那里来的信息，“我们永远可以找到真相， 你们愿意吗？”那一时刻，百感交集的我在心底深处由衷地涌出无尽的赞美和感恩，我是多么感激这个过程中始终不疑地支持我的丈夫，是他在2013年春首次提出可以用测谎来找出真相的方式的人；我是多么感激指引我丈夫的神， “神哪，您真是掌管天地万物公义怜悯的神。您是让孤儿满足， 让寡妇心中歌唱的神！”（约伯记29章）
前天晚上跟神的祷告中， 神带领我到了以西结书 34 Chinese New Version (Traditional) (CNVT)
耶和華的話臨到我說： “人子啊！你要說預言攻擊以色列眾牧者；你要對他們說預言：‘主耶和華這樣說：以色列眾牧者有禍了！他們只顧牧養自己。牧者豈不應當牧養羊群嗎？ 你們吃脂油、穿羊毛，宰肥壯的羊，卻不牧養羊群。瘦弱的，你們沒有養壯；患病的，你們沒有醫治；受傷的，你們沒有包紮；被趕散的，你們沒有領回；迷失的，你們沒有尋找；你們反而用強暴嚴嚴地管轄牠們。牠們沒有牧人，就分散了，作了田野一切走獸的食物。我的羊在眾山和各高岡上流離；牠們分散在全地上，沒有人去尋，也沒有人去找。
神的话语给我带来了很大的安慰。我也希望读我的这封信的人们在神里得到安慰。我也并不是说上面提到的几位牧师就是神不喜悦的。这是需要他们自己跟神祷告的。但这却是神对他的教会的要求和期望。只有在建立起这样荣耀神的教会， 中国才会有公义自由。但是我们不必担心， 神会成就这事的。
当我在做测谎的同时，美国前总统吉姆卡特在哈弗神学院的演讲中说， 10%妇女受强奸，20%的妇女受性骚扰，都是4%的男人做的。统计说，如果一个强奸犯不被终止的话， 70%的机率是会重犯的。一个强奸犯会平均伤害至少5个人。
前总统卡特的演讲不是孤立的。这符合神在2012年底，在我的被强暴的医治中得到的异象。 神在大大动工， 医治他的受伤的儿女们。 看看最近的报道， 每天， 有多少关于在军界，学界，传媒界， 神在大大清洁他的社会， 揭露处置性暴力。难道中国教会不知道美国天主教会对他们的性丑闻的遮盖而导致的衰退吗？
今天， 神要把公义，圣洁， 真诚，怜悯的权柄给他在世上的教会， 耶稣的新娘。他要教会兴起来， 制止这4%的男人的暴虐，包扎这30%的妇女的心，灵， 和生命。基督号召牧者成为真正的牧羊人：约翰福音 10：11 “我是好牧人， 好牧人为羊舍命”。教会不要再为罪遮盖了。
有人也许会问，这样做是饶恕吗？是不是柴玲为了推行事工，出名，报复， 等等。这都是前几位牧师为了维护远志明制造的借口。那神是怎么看哪？我在跟神祷告的时候， 神很清楚地说，“都不是的！我派我的儿子去圣殿翻桌子不是审判， 是热烈的爱”。神鼓励我凭着热烈的爱， 勇敢地去揭露这些黑暗， 使众人惊醒回转来得到耶稣付上代价要给我们的永生的真理。神让我感到，真正的审判和报复是像发生在Masada的事。Masada是以色列山上的一个城堡，在那里， 在耶稣遇难升天33年后，犹太人暴动， 罗马人来攻打耶路撒冷， 犹太人全城覆灭。最后的一千人逃到Masada。 但是在被罗马军攻下的前夜， 这一千人决定自绝。十个人被选出各杀百人，妇女孩子一律杀， 最后的十个人抽签，一个杀九个人。最后的这个人没有自尽投降下落不明。就像耶稣遇难前警告他们的那样。如果他们不回转，这才是神对罪的报复和审判。
在此， 让我以最后一次给远志明的信做结束。未来是怎样， 我也不知道。 但是真相就是真相。上帝就是上帝。公义就是公义。不管多迟才来， 但是一定会来的。因此，我也把这个24年来的痛苦， 伤害，折磨，完完全全地交给爱我们， 掌管一切的上帝， 和他的教会。我相信， 神会兴起公义的牧羊人， 神会兴起真正的代表勇敢基督精神的教会。
从6月24日见面后，我们没有再联络。我们的教会长老跟XX牧师见面后，又在8月底跟我见面。我们的决定是我去做谎言测试， 来证明我讲的是真的。因为事工忙， 灵里还需要做的医治，和花时间找到测谎专家，也一直希望你能忏悔回转， 但是没有回应。
神终于在11月19日时， 使我做了测试， 我关于你对我强暴的话被专家的测试证明是完完全全真实的。我在第一次见你时被强暴， 我之后也跟你没有任何性关系。
你在6月24日说， 你不愿意做测谎证明你的故事。但是你还是在撒谎：说我继续跟你有性关系， 还说你没有强奸别的女人。
你这样既称自己在基督里， 还是在不停地犯罪， 是不对的。
约翰福音8:32 “你们必定认识真理， 真理必定使你们自由”
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